A recent trip to Wal-Mart has prompted me to offer these unsolicited suggestions on how Wal-Mart gurus can make subsequent visits more pleasant for me:
1. Have special hours for adults with more than 1 child. If there is a plurality of children in tow, you will be invited to shop during special hours established just for you.
2. Eliminate the position of “greeter.” If I am visiting Wal-Mart, it is under duress in the first place. I do not want the first person I see to be cheery and wish me a good day. How can it be a good day? I’m at Wal-Mart, for cryin’ out loud!
3. Establish express checkout lanes for people with 5 tattoos or less. This should free up some checkouts for the rest of us. In fact, the “under 20 item” express lanes could then be eliminated.
4. Put the things that I want close to the front. When I go to buy motor oil, windshield washer fluid, or paint, why do I have to wade through sections of women’s clothing to get there?
5. Speaking of automobile supplies, why not put the oil change and tire repair waiting area in the same place as the flat screen TV’s? That makes way more sense than reading left over Jehovah’s Witness booklets on the cheesy coffee table.
6. Dump those little video advertisements hanging on the end of the aisles. I was on my way to the paint department when I passed one of those videos. I nearly jumped out of my skin! I was so frightened by that unexpected voice, they nearly had a cleanup in aisle 5.
Your initial impression might be to view me as someone who only thinks of himself. Not so. I feel these changes would not only benefit me, but would improve the shopping experience of many who find themselves in any of the thousands of Wal-Marts in the country. Sadly, I do not anticipate that my suggestions will be taken seriously.
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