Hello 2011

Hello 2011


I know, it has been a long time since I have submitted a post to this blog. Really, it’s no big deal since: (a). Hardly anyone reads it (b). No one really cares, and (3). In the whole scheme of cosmic realities, what difference does it make?

But, I guess I feel an inner compulsion to put something here because I do have the space and it is therapeutic. My last post was just before Thanksgiving of last year. I tried to write a Christmas post, but I think my personal muse was on a sabbatical helping Charlie Sheen compose the literary gems that are now part of his “Truth, the Whole Truth, and Something Like the Truth” concert tour.

Part of the problem was – and I may now admit this, according to my therapist, I have been suffering from PTSARTIANLAYSS (post-turning sixty and realizing that I am no longer a youngster-stress syndrome). I know that this is a real syndrome because I heard about it in an email sent from the wife of a doctor in Kenya who wants me to help release her late husband’s estate.

I must face the facts: I now qualify for a senior citizen’s coffee at McDonald’s. I need to come to grips with the reality that I will never be able to meet some of my life goals. So that you may commiserate with me, I will share the goals that I had established way back when I turned 25:

• Become a black belt in karate, kung fu, tae kwan do and egg foo young and achieve the status of ninja
• Earn a PhD from a reputable diploma mill
• Win the Nobel Prize for literature
• Retire as a multi-millionaire by age 50

Where are these goals now, you ask?

• I have a black belt and a brown belt, reversible that I bought at WalMart.
• The only Ph that I am familiar with is the Ph level of the antacids that control my acid reflux.
• I’m still holding out for the Nobel Prize. After all, if the President can win the Nobel Peace Prize a month after he’s inaugurated for merely “inspiring hope,” maybe I can still get one for giving a few laughs – because apparently the bar has been set way low.
• And obviously, I am not yet retired and I am not a multi-millionaire, but I am closer to it than I was at age 25. I figure that I may reach the millionaire mark if I postpone retirement until age 147. And get an additional job, too.