I was Conrad Birdie! Yes, the story can now be told. My therapist said that it would be OK to admit this. He said that I must embrace the past if I ever want to chase the demons away for good.
For those who are unaware, Conrad Birdie was the lead character in the musical “Bye, Bye Birdie,” a story about an Elvis Presley-like person who was drafted into military service.
Our 9th grade music department presented this musical. I left my promising wrestling career behind to follow the lure of stage lights. How I got the lead is a mystery. Ours was a smallish junior high school, so the auditions for the part consisted of me, Scott and Greg. Scott was Conrad Birdie in real life. He had the hair, the pointed shoes with Cuban heels, and pegged pants (unfortunately, you have to be as old as I am to understand what these mean and how they were significant). Most importantly, he had his very own electric guitar! But, the gods of theater visited me and I got the part. Yes, I was a thespian!
I barely remember most of it. I had 3 singing parts, if I recall correctly. It was horrible. My terrible singing was outdone only by my even more terrible acting. I was too much a geek-wad to even try to be cool, for cryin’ out loud. I don’t think I pulled it off convincingly, although I got rave reviews from my mom and grandma, who both thought I was playing Slim Whitman. They couldn’t understand why I didn’t have any yodeling parts.
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