Wrestling

I was pumped for the 1st day of wrestling practice. As I said before, I knew I had an advantage on the other guys because of my long involvement with the sport. I doubt if many of my peers could match the time I invested watching professional wrestling on TV.

I had the famous holds and moves down pat. I could perform the sleeper hold, which would render an opponent unconscious; the coco butt, the trademark of Bobo Brazil which would end any match, and my favorite, the claw hold. Fritz von Erich would apply the claw hold to the mid-section of his opponent and it would instantly gain his submission. We hated Fritz von Erich. He the did the Nazi goose step before each match, intentionally stirring the patriotic feelings of every American. If Hitler was still alive, Fritz was on a mission directly ordered by der Fürher (I later found out that this "Nazi" was born in Jewett, Texas). 

Now, forget that I had never actually used the sleeper hold on anyone except maybe my brother (and I think he faked a loss of consciousness so I would leave him alone). And I never really tried the coco butt, but it seemed to work well for Bobo Brazil. Of course, I was mildly curious how he could smash heads with his opponent and the poor guy would writhe in excruciating pain, but Bobo never seemed to feel anything. I guess his head was that hard.

But I did try the claw hold. I used it on my dad, but he never lost consciousness like the guys on TV. I tried it on my brother, but he was too ticklish for it to work effectively. Nonetheless, I had faith in these holds. The wrestlers who used them were all of the “scientific” wrestling school, so how could they fail? They had science on their side for cryin out loud.

Imagine my surprise when I went to wrestling practice for the 1st time. The coach demonstrated something that he called wrestling but was completely foreign to me. Was this a Russian, Commie invention to make girlie-men out of red-blooded American boys? I soon learned that such effective holds like the sleeper hold, coco butt and claw hold were illegal and would get me thrown off the team. To make matters worse, they didn’t even use a ring! It was all done on a mat. How in the world was I expected to jump off the turn-buckle and land my elbow into the throat of my writhing adversary? I wasn’t sure about this namby-pamby stuff.

I lasted for most of the 1st season. I just couldn’t get the holds and moves quite right. Every time I tried to use one of the “scientific” wrestling holds, Jack Price, my best friend and who was in my same weight class, drove me to the mat and pinned me. I may have lasted all of 30 seconds against Jack. I thought I had an edge in information and technique; he had muscle, skill, and little tolerance for fools.

I quit before the wrestling season ended having never competed in an actual match. My athletic career was not going well. But, then, my true calling beckoned. That’s a story for another time.