Routines

I recently attended a seminar titled “Ministering to People with Dementia.” I attended this presentation for 3 reasons: 1. I am part of the “sandwich generation” which means that my wife and I will be caring for parents as they grow older; 2. I needed to have information for my wife as she will eventually need to care for me 3. Uhh, um, oh…. I forget.


This seminar was full of good information, although I really would like to know the difference between having dementia and being demented. I’ve not been diagnosed with the former, but I have been accused of the latter. Nonetheless, it opened my eyes to this terrible disorder.

One of the exercises involved a self-care routine. This was taken from The Past is Now my Future; A Practical Guide to Dementia Possible Care by Lanny Butler and Kari Brizendine. We were to rank the following activities in sequential order from 1st rising from bed:

____ Bathe

____ Brush my teeth

____ Comb my hair….

The list included 13 activities from dressing, watching the morning news, to taking medication, etc.

Oddly, this list did not include many of the activities with which I begin my day. So, I have compiled a list of self-care routines that more closely reflects the normal morning activities of the average citizen. They are already presented in sequential order.

Knock over the lamp trying to shut off the alarm.

Get out of bed.

Curse.

Trip over my shoes

Use the toilet

Clean up the bathroom floor because I missed the toilet.

Curse.

Step on a Lego (or Barbie shoe) and curse again while hopping on one foot and trying to dodge collateral damage to the other foot from remaining Lego’s

Put on whatever clothes I find at the foot of the bed and go downstairs.

Startle myself when I pass the hallway mirror and realize I put on my wife’s panty hose thinking it was my Under Armor stretchy muscle shirt.

Turn on the coffee maker and head to the shower.

Return dripping wet from the shower to turn the coffee maker off, put in coffee, filter, and water then turn it back on.

Dress

Eat breakfast which consists of a bowl of cold cereal because the domestic goddess needs her beauty sleep and won’t get up to prepare me a proper breakfast, which we all know is the most important meal of the day, for cryin out loud.

Turn on the morning news which oddly resembles the infomercials that are shown early every Saturday.

Upon realizing that it is Saturday and I’m already up and dressed and can’t go back to sleep, I might as well clean out the gutters.

Curse.