Day-Off Diversions

So today I took the day off from work – although those I work with would admit that what I do strains the definition of the word “work” – and spent the day with my wife. It was a lovely fall day; 2 days past the autumnal equinox, a gentle breeze with sustained winds of 20-30 mph, and pleasant temperatures that hit 90 degrees. You read correctly. 90 degrees on Sept 24. Anyway, we spent the morning goofing off, taking a drive, buying apples, going to the library, etc. Of course, you might imagine that I would have some observations along the way, so here they are in random order.

• We had lunch at a very nice restaurant. It was our first time there. Two businessmen (note, businessmen, not business persons) were seated behind us. One of them asked the server, “Where are your restrooms?” to which came the reply, “Oh, you mean the men’s room? It’s through those doors.” Well, of course he meant the men’s room! What do you think? Was he looking for the ladies room to steal some lotion, for cryin out loud? Where’s Bill Engvall when you need him?

• I have no quarrel with homeschoolers. I know some great people who home school their kids and they have great kids. We may have homeschooled our own kids, but then we wouldn’t have teachers and a school system to blame for our kid’s failure to become brain surgeons. But, why do some home school people think that weirdness is required curriculum? While buying apples, we saw some homeschooled people on a “field trip” (I know some who consider a trip the gas station a field trip). These kids were totally under-stimulated. They were getting excited about a growth chart. They muscled each other out of the way to stand next to the height chart that was a cut-out of “the Apple Guy.” Really? That’s the high point of your day? I understand that little kids get a kick out of this; mine did when they were little. But at 12 years of age, you would think that the wonder of such mysteries would begin to fade. (note: the Apple Guy was really scary. He was a hybrid of a red delicious apple, Burl Ives, and Andy Warhol. An experiment in genetic engineering gone horribly wrong.)

• We went to the local library. I know that this is pure geekness – a warm day off and you go to the library, but I have long ago embraced my inner geeknees. If it wasn’t for the library, I wouldn’t have any place to go to catch up on my magazine reading. It’s not like I’m going to pay good money to subscribe to those things! Anyway, it is the middle of the day and what did we see at the library? Kids who should have been in school! There were just a few random Jr. High age kids at the library, so it wasn’t a field trip or a class excursion. I was impressed. I realized that I was in the presence of genius. Who would think to look in a library for a kid skipping school?

Now, I’m off to the stadium for Friday night high school football. It’s homecoming – my favorite event of all. Teen age girls dress up like supermodels on the runway and slather on more make-up than an Egyptian princess. Ya gotta love it. Is it a coincidence that homecoming is always close to Halloween? Is it a dry run for trick-or-treat? I sense another post in the making.