Dad's Injury

I want to thank my younger (and only) brother for this observation. I was so focused on the 8x10 glossy of Minnie Pearl (suitable for framing) hanging in my grandparent’s home, that I completely allowed another detail to slip my attention.

In this photo, dad, dressed in his Navy whites, is just 20 years old. He probably weighs 95 pounds soaking wet. If you look closely, you can see a bandage on his left hand. Now, dad was not wounded in action. The only action he saw, according to him, was in the bar fights he had with Marines. He was stationed in Virginia Beach as a clerk. No, this injury is from a completely different source.

Dad was injured on the night before his wedding day. You might call it a redneck bachelor party. Dad and some others (I don’t know if it was his brothers, friends or what) spent the evening before his wedding ‘coon huntin.’ For the non-redneck part of the world that would be hunting raccoons.

This raises some questions: why would you pick the day before your wedding to hunt ‘coon? Why do you even hunt ‘coon? What are you going to do with one if you got it? Were these guys planning the menu for the reception? I understand that there are some people who claim to eat raccoon, but I’ve never seen it on one of those snooty chef cooking shows. (Note: recipe for ‘coon at the end of this post.)

Back to the injury: I don’t know if he volunteered, or if the task was assigned to him, but his job was to hold on to the dogs (not any dogs, mind you. These were ‘coon dogs). When the unfortunate raccoon was spotted (or smelled, or whatever they do), the dogs took flight, fulfilling the inner mandate of years of scientifically precise selective breeding (“Hey Sonny, reckon your dog wants to hump mine? I’ll split the litter with you.”).Dad was true to his calling. He was to hold the dogs at all costs. The costs were that he was pulled through woods at night by a hyperactive pack of hunting dogs. All 95 pounds of my dad were flapping and whipping back and forth like a piece of duct tape holding together a 54 Chevy. The only obvious injury was to his left hand. The rest remains a mystery.

Grandma Rena’s Recipe for ‘Coon:

Take one medium sized ‘coon, skinned and dressed. Remove entrails for future use (we’re not made out of money, you know).

Place in an ungreased roasting pan with lid.

In a separate bowl, prepare the stuffing for the ‘coon: you will mix together 2 pounds of mushroom compost (this compost is made by mushroom producers from material such as hay, straw, corn cobs, poultry and horse manure – or any combination of organic material that is 1) inexpensive and 2) readily available) with salt, pepper, and cumin to taste.

Stuff the ‘coon with the mixture and place in a pre-heated oven at 450 degrees or on the pot-bellied stove and cook for 4 hours.

Remove from heat and let stand for 30 minutes.

Remove stuffing, discard the ‘coon and eat the compost. Serves 4 grown-ups and 12 young-uns.